Thursday, April 23, 2009

Dim Bulbs?


Every now and then, something like this crosses my email desk. With apologies to almost everybody,


CHANGING A LIGHT BULB THE CHRISTIAN WAY:
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only 1. Hands are already in the air.


Pentecostal: 10. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.


Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.


Roman Catholic: None - Candles only.


Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.


Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.


Mormons : Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.


Unitarians/New Agers: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.


Methodists: Unimportant. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.


Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.


Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.


Amish: What's a light bulb?


For the record: my sister-in-law is a Lutheran, my nephew is a Methodist minister, my late Uncle Ira was a Nazarene and my dad was--his words--an apostate Episcopalian.