Friday, March 31, 2006
SOUTHERN BAPTISTS TO BUY AMERICAN BAPTIST HEADQUARTERS IN SUBURBAN PHIADELPHIA
VALLEY FORGE, PA
Zeitgeist Press Reports (April 1, 2006).
In a surprise development, the Southern Baptist Convention announced today that they have closed a deal to purchase the Valley Forge, PA, headquarters of the former Northern Baptists, the American Baptist Churches, USA.
“We felt we needed a ministry center for our expanding presence in the Northeast,” explained SBC spokesman T. Truitt Fogbone. “We became aware the American Baptists were jus’ about broke, so it was a match made in heaven, so to speak.”
Dr. A. Roy Medley, General Secretary of the American Baptists, could not be reached for comment. The telephone, fax and email and tin-can phone at his office have all been shut off due to lack of funds. However, his spokesperson, Rev. Dr. Ms. April-Rainbow Woodstock-Bexley-Hall, was available did speak on his behalf.
“We are thrilled,” she said. “Everything is great, just great. I mean, like poverty is a virtue, you know. Everything is good. Really good. I’m not kidding. No I’m serious. Really. Please believe me.”
American Baptist offices will relocate to the campus of nearby Central Baptist Church in Wayne, PA, as soon as the Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual-Transgendered Outreach center can be relocated.