Friday, March 31, 2006

SOUTHERN BAPTISTS TO BUY AMERICAN BAPTIST HEADQUARTERS IN SUBURBAN PHIADELPHIA



VALLEY FORGE, PA
Zeitgeist Press Reports (April 1, 2006).

In a surprise development, the Southern Baptist Convention announced today that they have closed a deal to purchase the Valley Forge, PA, headquarters of the former Northern Baptists, the American Baptist Churches, USA.

“We felt we needed a ministry center for our expanding presence in the Northeast,” explained SBC spokesman T. Truitt Fogbone. “We became aware the American Baptists were jus’ about broke, so it was a match made in heaven, so to speak.”

Dr. A. Roy Medley, General Secretary of the American Baptists, could not be reached for comment. The telephone, fax and email and tin-can phone at his office have all been shut off due to lack of funds. However, his spokesperson, Rev. Dr. Ms. April-Rainbow Woodstock-Bexley-Hall, was available did speak on his behalf.

“We are thrilled,” she said. “Everything is great, just great. I mean, like poverty is a virtue, you know. Everything is good. Really good. I’m not kidding. No I’m serious. Really. Please believe me.”

American Baptist offices will relocate to the campus of nearby Central Baptist Church in Wayne, PA, as soon as the Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual-Transgendered Outreach center can be relocated.

4 comments:

Dennis E. McFadden said...

Glenn,

You may claim friendship with Dr. Scholer. But, I am personally (almost) acquainted with the Rev. Dr. Ms. April-Rainbow Woodstock-Bexley-Hall and am outraged by your using her words to subject her to public ridicule. You knew or should have known that her inarticulate ramblings would be interpreted through a sexist filter.

First, you made use of previously copyrighted material (the typeface for one!) in contravention of the laws of blogging.

Second, you did not secure permission to quote our colleague, the Rev. Dr. Ms. April-Rainbow Woodstock-Bexley-Hall, and thus broke the rules of netiquette as binding as the laws of the Medes and the Persians.

Third, your failed the test of collegiality towards a fellow American Baptist. I suppose that you do not consider yourself a Baptist anymore due to your congregations "vote" to disaffiliate from the ABCUSA. However, your post is in clear violation of the Code of Ethics which you signed.

Fourth, the photograph belongs to VF and not you, yet you used it without the explicit permission of the General Board.

Fifth, you mentioned the "S" Baptists, the ultimate act of religious pornography. Don't you know that they are the source of all things evil in the known world? Besides, by your blogging, aren't you aping the discredited techniques employed by Patterson, Pressler, et. al., in their worse-than-Hitler pogrom against freedom loving solely competent fragile freedomed individuals?

Sixth, I find your tone offensive, rude, unprofessional, and (the ultimate sin) unBaptistic.

Seventh, notice I did not call you a "fundamentalist" even though you are so much meaner than any conservative I've ever met.

jesuit spy said...

shameless...I'm shocked! Shocked I say!

Dennis E. McFadden said...

Glenn,

I just read a piece by the brilliant, creative, scholarly Rev. Dr. Pill Burpzog VII, of Crest-Benny Divinity School delivered at the Anti-Patterson Antinomian Baptist Fellowship. Dr. Burpzog VII observed that the work of Jezebel, Judas, Simon Magnus, and the Harlot of Babylon are evident in the writings of certain fundamentalist bloggers claiming to be American Baptists (viz. if you look up “schismatic fundamentalist pseudo American Baptist” in the standard Anti-Patterson Antinomian Baptist Fellowship Dictionary you will see YOUR photograph).

SmallSoul said...

I checked your quote and I believe you have it a bit wrong; Fogbone is reported as saying:

We felt we needed a ministray cintah fa' ouwah expandin' presence in the Nawtheast. We became awayah the 'Merahcun Baptists wuz jus' about broke, so it was a match made in heb'm, soda speak.